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Sunday, November 14th, 2004
8:11 pm - Growth in Darkness

As we grow
So shall we find
A deeper darkness
In our minds

Running slowly through
Our heads
Thoughts of happiness
Winds up dead

In and out
Our lives take us
As we learn
Our gods forsake us

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Friday, November 5th, 2004
11:28 pm - He Is (going to war)

Pieces of him surround me
Tiny whispers caress my cheek
and the wind on my neck
carries the memories of his lips.
His soul sometimes
lingers inside of
the poems I read and
the paintings I admire.
He is neither here nor there.
He is,
That is what
keeps me.

His touch
those lips
golden eyes
can fly from my heart
as long as
he is.

His laughter
can disappear into dreams
as long as
he is.

My life
can stand still
as long as
he is.

My world surrounds him
as long as
he is.

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Thursday, October 28th, 2004
9:35 pm - Mother Raised Me Perfect

She asked for too much again
She asked me to be perfect today
as I was every other day before
She pushed me onto the stage
and told me to dance

My dance wasn't graceful
it was harsh and untrained
She said it wasn't good enough
I didn't know how to dance

I learned
I pretended to know
I pretended that I had been dancing for years
and gracfully I stepped onto the stage.

Everyone clapped and cheered
and still she told me it wasn't good enough.
I asked her for some clothing.
Thought if I didn't have to dance naked
maybe I would be perfect.

She put the clothing on a pole
and dangled it in front of me.
She told me if I wanted it
I had to get it myself.

So I lept into the audience
and ran out the back door.
I ran naked into the street
and ran home.

I was never forced to dance again
but still
every so often
she asks why I am not perfect yet.

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Friday, October 15th, 2004
7:01 pm - Something I wrote after reading Anne Rice's The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty:

I miss my prince.
He took me to his castle once.
The queen graciously (hesitantly) let me in.
As she went about her business
my prince and I danced
around the castle.
He showed me the play room.
He took me to the top
of his tower and showed me
the view.
As I looked down
at the people going about their business below
I wondered how many princesses
had he taken to this castle.
Then I felt his arms around me and
it didn't matter anymore.
We played all night until
we fell into bed with each other.
He asked me what i was thinking.
I told him that I wished we could
stay this way forever:
with me inside of him and
us outside of everybody
in his castle
as one.
He agreed with me.

Then I woke up from the dream
and went home.

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
12:00 pm

My dreams are taking on an obvious tone-Apparently I'm not getting the intricate details, so I'm being shown the obvious.

On a travel-up and down many roads-all leading to dead ends-Finally, I stop and ask, I'm told the road I'm looking for is near a sign, "yes." I am to turn there-it will lead me where I need to go.

Now I must figure out which road I am currently on that is the wrong one-So I may correct my path.

coss-posted to my journal

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Thursday, August 19th, 2004
4:41 pm

Hi! I'm new here.

I've been keeping a paper journal for 2 1/2 years now and it'll be nice to share some entries....

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Monday, June 7th, 2004
12:59 pm

I miss the way his hands felt running through my hair as I was falling asleep in his arms. I miss the way he kisses me on the forehead and holds me close to him. I feel safe with him.

current mood: cranky

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Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
7:43 pm

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

sometimes this is how i feel.

current mood: contemplative

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7:52 pm

Wednesday July 2, 2003

I love listening to Etta James. She soothes me. Right now I feel like a teenager. I'm on my stomach with my legs crossed at the ankles, knees bent, my head boping to the beat. I feel like writing "I <3 [insert yummy guy]" a million times over. Or, even "Mrs. [insert name]." I feel silly. I feel alive.

There's only one song on this planet that turns me to mush - "At Last" by Etta James.
"I've found a thrill that I can press my cheek to.
A thrill that I have never known.
And then you smiled (you smiled)
And then the spell was cast."

current mood: ode to etta

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Thursday, May 13th, 2004
1:48 am

last night at midnight i went for a ride on my dad's harley with him. the weather was amazingly nice and clear. while riding on the back of it, i leaned back and closed my eyes and i felt so free for a few minutes. the wind was blowing a little bit and i felt for one moment so happy and free... it was such an incredible feeling.

current mood: content

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